Tag Archives: Jessica sociopath Wakefield

Run, don’t walk from the zombie…..Or SVH #83 “Steven’s Bride”

10 Aug

Steven Wakefield is officially a zombie. Seriously. The guy’s about to celebrate the biggest day of his life and he can’t even muster an expression. Not even a hint of joy, or fear, or god help us, a vague look of interest in the woman he’s asked to become his wife.

This is Steven’s wedding look:

You will notice, it is pretty much the same as his grieving look:

And his “fond memories” look:

 

This is his “oh-fuck-my-parents-are-splitting-and-I’d-better-come-home-from-college-again-to-look-after-my-sisters” look.

Notice a difference? Nope, me neither

Poor Steven. I always give him such a bad rap. But seriously – all he seems to do is come home from college, date a bunch of high school girls, and mope around after they’ve died/moved on/ failed to embody Tricia Martin’s personality despite being her doppelganger.

And this time, he goes one better. He takes the advice of stupid, stupid Jessica and agrees to marry sixteen year old Cara Walker so she doesn’t move to London with her mom.

The background is that Steve and Cara have been dating for about fifty books, which probably equates to a few months in Sweet Valley land. During this time he has dumped her – twice – for a Tricia Martin clone, treated her like shit when he’s actually trying hard at law school, and come home from college repeatedly to hang out with her and the other high schoolers at the Beach Disco.

[I will ignore the fact that ten years later he is dating Aaron Dallas, because that casts a whole new light on what he actually got up to away at SVU.]

Anyway, Cara is being her usual boring self and tells her much cooler friends – Jessica and Lila – that she is moving to London for good. Jessica feels bad for her brother, because she knows how hard he took Tricia’s death, and losing another gf would be disaster! So the logical solution, she decides, is to convince Steven to marry Cara! In the end it takes just one conversation.

Although Cara is still in high school, and he is still grieving Tricia [not to mention the fact that Billie Winkler, aka love of his life, is still twenty-five books away], Steven has this response to Jessica’s bright idea:

“Why didn’t I think of that?” he shouted. “Jess, you’re a genius!”

The next 100 pages are dedicated to keeping the secret from their parents, and convincing Liz not to blab. There are 137 scenes of Steven and Cara agonizing about the situation and planning a civil ceremony with just the two of them. I want to shake them and remind them that if there are this many misgivings, it’s probably not the right thing to do.

Then Jessica discovers that Steven has turned down a lucrative scholarship for an intensive law program at SVU. She now decides to plot against the marriage and convince Cara of all the downsides of married life. She says impressive things like, “women are still repressed by the institution of marriage” and, “you’ll probably take up cooking and knitting.” This is a little funny ‘cause when Steven and Cara are finally hitched in ‘Confidential, Cara spends about 90% of her time in the kitchen.

Jessica’s scheming rocks the very unsteady foundations of this relationship, because Cara finds her voice and jilts Steven at the altar on the day of their elopement. Oh and the Wakefields are there. Liz blabbed.

Steven, naturally, is pissed, and he waits till Cara has boarded her flight to speed to the airport and declare his undying love. He says his final goodbye, knowing they are just too young to enter in to anything like marriage.

My advice to Steven: Cut your hair. Stick around at college for one weekend. Go to a frat party. Pash and dash.

I really dislike this spineless Steven. He was sooo much better as a fourteen year old in Sweet Valley Twins. No really – that kid rocked, and generally got the better of his sisters. Of course, it takes his hook up with Billie Winkler [his housemate, during Margo’s reign] to bring out some ‘tude in Steven – and replace his Bieber locks with a style more befitting a law major. Steven and Billie forever. You can hang your hat on that.

The Wakefields Get A Job: SVH # 131 “Fashion Victim”

6 Jun

This story arc was a bit of a landmark in the Sweet Valley series, as Elizabeth and Jessica said goodbye to high school for two whole weeks [!]  to learn about the big wide world of working girls [in the non-prostitute sense.] We also said goodbye to our early-90’s illustrated covers and hello to the Daniel twins. I’ll forgive the daisy-print onesie because I actually found them rather cute circa 1997.

I would really like to thank the Sweet Valley writers for preparing me so well for working life, because this book taught me SO many valuable lessons:

Continue reading

The Wakefields get duped again: SVH Super Thriller “A Stranger in The House”

9 Jan

“A Stranger In The House” [I’m telling you, this guy should hook up with Margo].

Gaa, don’t you hate it when a psycho killer that your dad jailed ten years earlier comes to Sweet Valley under two different guises and convinces both you and your twin that he’s your soulmate?

I sure do!

Of course, we all know that everyone in the universe is obsessed with the Wakefields, so it’s only natural that John Marin would stalk the twins, with a view to wooing them, slaughtering them, and avenging his decade-long captivity.

In case you haven’t read all these books, Ned Wakefield is a specialist in at least 137 different branches of the legal system. We’ve already seen him in action in divorce and family law [the Ricky Capaldo case], criminal law [representing his own daughter after her DUI charge] and civil law [weighing in on the Patman/Fowler football field ownership dispute].

Of course, he still has time to run for mayor and be a devoted father. Not devoted enough, apparently, because while working in prosecution a decade ago, he only managed to put double-murderer Marin in the clink for ten years. Now, as Marin is freed from Sweet Valley jail on rather lofty parole conditions, Ned remembers the killer’s final words: “Your precious little girls will never be safe again!” Mwah ha ha!

Here is John Marin, just days before his release:

I am amused that he got scissors in jail. Also that he was allowed to tape myriad photos of the twinkies to his cell wall.

If you look closely, there is a photo of Jess and Lila at Paradise Spa, taken from the cover of “Murder in Paradise.” Up here for self-referentiality, Fran-Pasc.

Our story is set during the 11th summer after junior year, and the twins have started a new waitressing job at the Marina Café. Of course, they are brilliant at it. When a handsome scholar called Ben Morgan* puts the moves on Elizabeth, she finds herself cheating on Todd AGAIN. But it’s okay, you guys – she’s met her soulmate! I find it hard to believe that a guy who was jailed at 18 and probably hasn’t seen a book since is charming the pants off St Liz with his deep insights into 19th century literature. Also, he has enough money to buy a sixteen foot yacht, which he calls “The Emily Dickinson”.

Jessica, meanwhile, has forgotten poor old Ken Matthews, and is wrapped up in Scott Manderlake* a trendy TV intern who offers her a spot in his miniseries. [What is a television intern? Please enlighten.]

*Actually John Marin

Marin, meanwhile, is having a ball toying with the twins. First he pulls a Margo and picks the lock on the Wakefield’s front door so he can get into Elizabeth’s secret diary. Then he rocks into Jessica’s world in a red Mazda Miata, [one of the most overused hot-person cars in this series] and he begins to plot the twins’ murder, which he will carry out on a boat. Marin, marine…it’s all in the name. My favorite is when he crouches in the bushes at Calico Drive, fantasizing about Alice in one of Jessica’s miniskirts. He even takes some photos, the perve!

On Saturday night, while Liz is moonlighting on a yacht with her literate lover “Ben”, Ned and his detective pal Cabrini finally tell Jessica about John Marin. “But Dad!” is her reply on seeing the mug shots. “I’ve been dating this guy ALL WEEK!”

If only the twins were still doing the job of the SVPD at the Sweet Valley News, dammit!

Finally, the A team hijacks a coast guard boat and rescues St Liz, just as Marin is arching his glittering knife through the air. Marin is initially reported to have drowned, but there’s a twist – he somehow gets back to the Wakefield’s, drugs Prince Albert and slugs Ned. But finally, we get a window-push, and Marin is handcuffed and transported to prison. The real police have yet to be called. But hey, who needs ‘em. Of course, Todd forgives the cheating minx and everyone sits down to a steaming cup of milky cocoa.

And only a week has elapsed.

PICKING UP WHERE MARGO LEFT OFF: SVH#111 “A DEADLY CHRISTMAS”

30 Nov

It’s been just ten books since Margo fell to her death in the Fowler’s pool house [or DID she?] but already it’s that time of year again! Yes, by book #111 we enter our fifth Yuletide celebration of the year! Congratulations, Francine, on mastering the fifth dimension and allowing the twins to remain sixteen for five successive Christmases.

But enough of that, and onto the insanity that is: “A Deadly Christmas.” It is probably the most sexual Christmas of the SVH series, but you must first understand that although “Playing With Fire” implied that Jessica was doing the unspeakable with Bruce, she is in fact a virgin in this one. Only in Sweet Valley.

Cover courtesy of ShannonSweetValley

I love the cover, because Jessica looks like she is about to be burnt to death. For reals, this time. Also, I get all nostalgic about the cutouts, with the deceivingly pleasant, festive exterior. Mwah ha ha!

I also love the plot, which is centred around Jessica falling madly in love with a guy who is trying to screw over the Wakefields. Among my favourite SV books are those where Jessica thinks she’s met “the one” and he’s all “Ha blondie – let’s see how much I can get out of you while I concurrently screw your sister/hook up with Lila behind your back/ win at tennis.”

In the previous five books of this miniseries, the Wakefields have been visited by an old family friend who we’ve never heard of before, called Sue Gibbons. [Remember, Sue = EVIL in Sweet Valley]. She bears the news that not only has her mother died [which is true] but that she has a rare, terminal blood disorder [which is not.]

Sue and her environmentalist fiancée Jeremy want to have a Sweet Valley wedding, of course. But there’s a twist – Sue’s deceased mother disapproved of Jeremy, so if the couple are married, Sue will not receive the inheritance. Instead, it will be left to Alice, who will probably blow the whole thing on renovating the Spanish tiles or sneaking off to the Hilton Hotel with Henry Patman. So Sue and Jeremy concoct a devious plan  – to fake a break-up and steal the money!

Jeremy pursues a lovestruck Jessica Wakefield, to try to convince the Wakefields that the engagement is off. Then Sue comes up with the mysterious blood disease, and Jeremy agrees to marry her. In the aptly titled “Left At The Altar” Jeremy ditches Sue and makes Jessica his fiancée. But really, he’s only breaking it off so Sue and he can run off with the fortune. Or at least that’s what Sue thinks…Instead, Jeremy is out to rip off all of them and return to Costa Rica with his wife, and his fortune. THE FUCK?! Ugh, I take it back. This plot is awful and makes zero sense. For example, why bother planning the wedding? Why doesn’t Sue pretend Jeremy doesn’t exist, take the damn money from Nalice and then elope? Also why is it that because Jeremy is found to be a career criminal he can’t be an environmentalist? Haven’t you heard of Peter Garrett? You may have mastered the dimension of time, Fran Pasc, but the characters are still completely 1-D.

The real fun is watching Jeremy wrap both girls around his finger.

He kidnaps Sue and ties her up in a cabin, then demands the inheritance from the Wakefields as ransom. Methinks young Jeremy is a complete sicko, because at this point in time, Sue is entitled to the inheritance anyway. [Don’t worry, the dumb ass Wakefields don’t suspect it’s him. Idiots.]

Next, he plans a romantic getaway with Jessica, and asks her to do the deed and prove her love for him. Seriously? She’s sixteen, you dirty man. Jessica agonizes about it, and thinks about condoms [yes, they say the C-word in this one!], and shivers a lot. I think they used the same ghostwriter from every single Elizabeth-centric story arc in SVU.

We learn that he is planning to scoot with the money in exactly ten days because he is a very devious man. [Ten bucks says he checks into The Shady Lady on the way out.]

I have ten days to kill so I might as well enjoy myself, Jeremy thought. Might as well get some kicks along the way.

Excuse me while I go file a DOCS report.

Of course, super sleuth Liz is onto it by then, and his true identity is revealed and Jessica is rescued from the burning cabin and everyone lives happily ever after and sings bloody Christmas carols and Sue has no rare blood disorder after all. Sheesh!

In the B-plot, Lila is dating a starving artist, called Robby. First he pretends to be rich, then she pretends to be poor, and now they are happy. Yawn. Who kidnapped our Lila? I can’t wait till the camp miniseries where she hooks up with Beauregard Creighton the Third and they get caviar shipped from Paris.

But now I will leave you with this, a quote from everyone’s favorite hypocrite,

“Now he was engaged to Jessica and supposedly through with Sue, but Elizabeth didn’t trust him for a second. In Elizabeth’s opinion, if Jeremy cheated on Sue, that meant he wouldn’t hesitate to cheat on Jessica, either. While Jessica was fickle and impetuous when it came to matters of the heart, Elizabeth drew great happiness and satisfaction from the fact that she and her boyfriend, Todd Wilkins, had weathered romantic storms to forge a relationship that would last.”

Smug bitch.

I suppose the 13 infidelities she committed during junior year don’t count as cheating?

People in glass houses, Lizzie. People in glass houses usually get pushed and lacerate their carotid arteries, like Margo did. Here’s hoping.

Any others you’d like to see for our Christmas countdown? I will do anything from the BSC to Sweet Valley Twins, High or, with gritted teeth, University. I am keen to get my hands on a particular SVT Super Edition, “A Christmas Without Elizabeth.” It sounds AWESOME, although possibly too good to be true…

The one where Winston Egbert’s Yearbook Wish Comes True or SVH #56 Lost At Sea

14 Nov

Winston’s Secret Diary, Volume I

Thanks, Fran-Pasc, for once again giving us a glimmer of hope.

Don’t sweat it – this isn’t a recap of 20 books, just one book that felt like it went for 20 years. Then again, time is a little skewed in Sweet Valley, where I live.

There was a time when I thought I’d love to be stuck on a desert island with Jessica – I even wrote it in the yearbook in sophomore year, right after I’d answered the “what-would-you-save-if-your-house-was-on-fire” question with “marshmallows.” But things changed when I met Maria Santelli. She’s like a brunette version of Jessica without all the batshit-craziness – a babe in a cheergirl costume who knows how to shut up and let me be the attention whore.

But just how much of a psycho Jessica really is I never fully appreciated until we were stranded on Anacapa island, facing imminent death.

Be careful what you wish for folks, because it might turn out like this:

It started out like most Thursdays in Sweet Valley – bright and sunny. I was psyched to be going on a boat trip with Mr Russo to study the ecology of local rock pools! I also took the buddy system very seriously – I was partnered with Jessica, Randy Mason and Lois Waller. Did you know, Lois is fat? Now that Robin Wilson is anorexic, Lois is back to being our resident chubby chick. Shame! Also, her mother is the school dietician.

Being a class clown does have its downsides – I seem to be a magnet for freaks like Caroline Pearce and the aforementioned metabolically challenged.

However, the trip was uneventful, despite Jessica refusing my attempts to get a lifejacket on her. [She was flirting with Ken Matthews, who currently has the personality of a corpse. My goal for this year is to get him in drag.]

Anyway, while she was batting her eyelids and purring, I was busy trying to sort out our ecology project. You’ll regret that Jessica, I remember thinking to myself. Little did I know just how much.

Anyways, after I’d stumbled over my own feet half a dozen times and studied the marine life of Anacapa Island, we were headed back to SVH to get past first base with Maria in the parking lot reconnect and share our findings. I put a hermit crab on Jess’s head as well. Hehe.

But we never made it back-  no, an intense storm came out of nowhere and the trusty Maverick went down like Annie Whitman on a slow Tuesday. I was incredibly scared but managed to coax Jessica into a lifeboat. Of course, it capsized, and Jessica was forced to swim for her life. I on the other hand regained control of the boat and oared myself to Anacapa Island. Did I deliberately let Jessica go? That’s one secret I’ll never tell….

These measly biceps did me proud, plowing through the fierce swell and torrential rain, and I drifted up on the beach at nightfall, and fell into a deep slumber.

I spent the following morning foraging berries and cooking fish and stuff, then bitchy McBitch decided to waltz on over to the island and steal some for lunch. Oh and I made a fire out of sticks. Mad skills.

Jess decided to ignore me until she got too hungry [I knew she couldn’t survive a day without one of those fricken blueberry pancake breakfasts. Hard to believe she’s still a six]. Then we bonded over wood-gathering.

I didn’t even try to make a move, although it had been a looooong 48 hours. And Maria and I normally get up to a whole bunch of stuff the Wakefields wouldn’t even dream about.

But I did get her to help me make a shelter and shit, you know the whole wilderness survival thing. There was lots of sulking, although she did save me from a bear at one point.

And I did open up to her about how being the class clown isn’t always a barrel of laughs. I almost smacked one on her when the storm came, and I definitely came the conclusion that if there were no sheep, I’d be happy to contribute to the gene pool with Jessica.

Meanwhile, she was worrying about never shaving her legs or shopping at Lisettes again.

But just when we thought the end was nigh and we were destined to a Tom-Hanks style existence….a chopper showed up. No matter what happens in Sweet Valley, there is always someone to rescue you. Unless of course you happen to be standing at the fridge when the earthquake strikes [which reminds me, how DID Lois Waller and Robin Wilson survive???]

Home safe now, now to refuel with a double whopper and a Clam Special from the Dairi Burger.

You know you love me

xoxoWinstonEgbert

Introducing Trusty-Sort-of-Boyfriend-Todd: Sweet Valley Twins #43 Elizabeth’s First Kiss

8 Nov

Between the combover, the mutism and the vacant look on his face, Todd had all the makings of a Liz Wakefield project.

For obvious reasons, I skipped to the last chapter first, knowing that if the kiss happened as promised, Fran-Pasc wouldn’t waste it on the rest of the book. And it happened…kind of. Although it was more of a peck on the cheek and less of a salty-french-fried-chocolate-millshake-makeout. They are twelve, after all. And he is only her sort-of-boyfriend. So after plowing through all the ocean-eyed-sunstreaked-haired-same-but-different mantra, I discovered that this book is pretty much a toned down version of Double Love [i.e. The twins fight over Todd, but Jessica doesn’t accuse him of sexual assault.]

Jessica has the hots for Todd, or at least the idea of Todd, and because all the Unicorns are getting sort-of-boyfriends, she needs one too. Only strangely, whenever Todd is around her, all he wants to do is talk about Liz, because THAT’S ALL ANYONE DOES IN SWEET VALLEY.

I quite like Liz in this book [SHAME!] – she actually seems like a real 12-year-old noticing boys for the first time. In true Liz fashion, she overanalyzes everything that Todd says and does, which reminds me of myself until oh, about four years ago. And I am in my 20s. For instance, she and Toddles have an awkward conversation about bowling in which she admits how clumsy she is, and then she proceeds to beat herself up for the next week for so stupidly offending him. Then, when Jessica asks her to go bowling she wonders if Todd will think she’s going because of him, but then if she stays home Jess will get a crack at TBT and BLAH BLAH BLAH. I still hate Liz, but maybe that means I hate myself.

As is the case in Double Love, Jessica pursues Todd with vigor, and Liz lets her get away with it, because she is a doormat. Without confessing who her crush is, Liz asks Jess for dating advice, and of course gets the solution to all relationship woes, a makeover, from her twin. Please note Jessica hasn’t been kissed yet, which surprises me. So Liz rocks up at SVMS decked out in purple and with her hair curled, and because Lila is a bitch [who I love] she sends a rumour around that Liz is looking for a boyfriend. So everyone from me to Randy Mason chases after her, even though it’s TBT she wants. [Trusty Boyfriend Todd? Trusty sort-of-boyfriend Todd? TSOBT?]

Anyway – eventually the whole gang decides to go to the bowling alley, and TSOBT only agrees to go with Jess because Elizabeth will be there too. Todd, you are waaaaay simple.

And you have an extraordinarily long neck

Luckily, Jessica ditches him for Aaron Dallas, so he is free to go off and hold hands with Liz and deliver the timely peck. What would have been awesome is if, when they were bowling, Liz did something clumsy and Todd fell for her in spite of it. But no, we are in Sweet Valley, so instead we get this scene:

“If I bowl a strike,” said Elizabeth, “it’ll be the first one in my whole life.”
“There’s a first time for everything,” Julie reminded her. “Come on, we want to win!”
Elizabeth stepped back, took two running steps, and threw the ball. To her enormous surprise, it went straight down the middle of the lane and smashed into the pins. Every single one of them crashed to the floor.
“A strike!” Amy yelled, jumping up and down. “I knew you could do it! Now we’re ahead!”
“Hey,” Todd said admiringly, “that was pretty good.”

Screw you, Liz. On the night of my first pash, I tripped over the bloody sound equipment at the school dance and the plastics laughed in my face. So screw you.

While all this is transpiring, [maybe bad things happen to me because I use words like ‘transpiring’] Steven is two-timing a sporty feminist chick called Lindsay [who I dig], and an flirtatious, vapid airhead called Candace [who I do not.] I liked Steven waaaay more in SVT, when he didn’t fawn over his sisters and mope after much-younger girls and dead people. He totally strings both girls along, then has to ditch Candace at the bowling alley and break her little heart. Go Steve! The only thing I dislike is that he asks Liz for relationship advice.

Presenting Magenta Galaxy and Daniella Fromage: SVH#62 Who’s Who?

11 Oct

“I’m telling you, Liz, the boys around here are so immature it makes me want to join a convent sometimes.”

How’s that for an opening line? Right up there with “Marley was dead. As dead as a doornail.” and “Two households, both alike in dignity/ In fair Verona where we lay our scene.” Yup, Jessica Wakefield, right up there with the likes of Dickens and Shakespeare with her sociological observations.

But lets not kid ourselves – the awesomeness of this book lies not in the plot, nor the Wakefield twins nor the D-list characters they dredge up.

On the contrary, this book is in my all-time top ten SVH books [All things Margo-related knocked it out of the top five] on account of the incredible outfits it produced.

Cover courtesy of Shannon’s Sweet Valley High blog

 

The plot is quite ordinary by comparison – Jessica applies to a dating service under two psueudoyms – Daniella Fromage and Magenta Galaxy, and hooks two eligible teenagers, Pierre and Brett, respectively. Daniella is a “cultured” snob based on Suzanne Hanlon, [who Jessica hates but uses to borrow clothes and personality traits]. Magenta is a Dana Larson-style wild rocker, a character that Jessica is going to find extremely difficult to back up because she has no musical talent. Also, she hates foreign films and doesn’t speak French, rendering this whole exercise a complete waste of time destined for a chaotic end. How she thinks this could possibly work is beyond me. I think she needs a part time job. Or a hobby. Seriously.

So, Jessica goes along and dates both at once, and our book culminates in a dinner scene where she and Liz switch between the characters. Finally, Pierre and Brett wise up, and Jessica is ruined until a couple of books later where she meets someone else on a teen phone line. Apparently teens met through dating services and phone lines in Sweet Valley back in the day. Good God. I’m glad facebook hasn’t been discovered yet.

But enough of that- lets see how Daniella Fromage and Magenta Galaxy measured up in the fashion stakes:

DF:

“How about this cream silk blouse?” Elizabeth suggested, picking up the cream coloured silk one she had noticed before. “You have those navy blue linen pants. They would look great with this.”

A square silk scarf in red, blue and gold caught her eye. She made a triangle out of it and held it against the blouse. Terrific.

“Oh that’s great!” Jessica exclaimed when she saw the effect. “It’ll be perfect with that little red bag of Suzanne’s and my blue suede flats.”

I was loving this outfit…then I realized that instead of “black snakeskin pumps” it read “blue suede flats”. Daniella Fromage, you’ve let us all down…

MG:

For her outfit, she had chosen tight black bicycle pants, a black tank top, and a leather jacket she’d borrowed from Lila. Almost anything from Dana’s collection would look right with the ensemble.

“The guitar pick earrings, definitely!” Elizabeth said. “And those black bangles.”

On Thursday night, Jessica had another blue streak in her hair. She wriggled into a blue strapless minidress and fastened a necklace of dice and tiddlywinks [what are tiddlywinks?] around her neck. In among the clicking pieces were scrabble tiles that spelled out “hard rock”.

This is a legitimately awesome necklace. I give it 18 points.

Dana looked down at her wrists. She was wearing four thick black bangles on each arm. They went perfectly with her skintight black pants, black and white-checkered shoes, and lime green t-shirt. In one ear she wore a guitar pick dangling from a silver wire.

Uh, no offence Dana but you look more like The New Elizabeth than a, like, hardcore rock chick.

One outfit: Two Ways

Faced with two dates on the same night, Jessica must appear as both Daniella Fromage and Magenta Galaxy. Being two places at once is a cinch when you have a doormat for an identical twin, who agrees to act as one of the females. But not content with spending the night with just one of the guys, Jessica decides she and Elizabeth will continually switch between DF and MG

“Here’s how we’ll do it. We’ll wear the same basic outfit, black leotards and black skirts, but I’ll start out with Magenta’s jewellery and you can wear Daniella’s accessories. And Suzanne’s cropped jacket. And a beret. And we’ll each have a blue streak in our hair, but when we’re Daniella we can cover it up with the beret.

DF

MG

[I love you guys, but not quite enough to subject myself to blue hair dye.]

Oh yeah and it turns out that Brett S and Pierre de Luc are as fake as Magenta and Daniella – Pierre thinks Fellini is a type of pasta and confuses Ingrid Bergman with “Swedish director Ingmar Bergman”. And Brett gets the Doors and the Rolling Stones confused. These people are weird.

I thought Jessica would learn from the inevitable failure of her ridiculous plan, but no – she and doormat are back up to their dirty tricks when she dates a photographer and a gaffa in the Fashion Victim story arc.

Are you Team Magenta Galaxy or Team Daniella Fromage? After all, this is the one-dimensional world of Sweet Valley where you couldn’t possibly be a bit of both…

Later this week: WLMS Chapter 12 and Your chance to WIN a Team Margo T-shirt [screw the Wakefields – Margo Forever!]

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